


Twelve Days of Merlin

by Emachinescat



Series: The Twelve Days of Merlin [3]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Christmas, F/M, Gen, Humor, Some Spoilers, Song Parody, The Twelve Days of Christmas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-29
Updated: 2011-01-02
Packaged: 2018-01-14 11:18:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1264438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emachinescat/pseuds/Emachinescat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of parodies of The Twelve Days of Christmas for all the main characters. See what Uther, Morgana, Gaius, Morgause, Cenred, Arthur, Merlin, and more get from friends and enemies. Silliness with a sprig of cleverness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Uther's Twelve Days

**Author's Note:**

> Don't own, for entertainment purposes only.
> 
> Enjoy ;)

On the first day of Christmas, Morgause gave to me  
An enemy that cannot die

On the second day of Christmas, Gaius gave to me  
Two unheeded warnings  
And an enemy that cannot die

On the third day of Christmas, Morgana gave to me  
Three fierce betrayals  
Two unheeded warnings  
And an enemy that cannot die

On the fourth day of Christmas, Merlin gave to me  
Four lame excuses  
Three fierce betrayals  
Two unheeded warnings  
And an enemy that cannot die

On the fifth day of Christmas, Catrina gave to me  
FIVE PILES OF POO  
Four lame excuses  
Three fierce betrayals  
Two unheeded warnings  
And an enemy that cannot die

On the sixth day of Christmas, Edwin gave to me  
Six creepy-crawlies  
FIVE PILES OF POO  
Four lame excuses  
Three fierce betrayals  
Two unheeded warnings  
And an enemy that cannot die

On the seventh day of Christmas, Cenred gave to me  
Seven massive slaughters  
Six creepy-crawlies  
FIVE PILES OF POO  
Four lame excuses  
Two unheeded warnings  
Three fierce betrayals  
And an enemy that cannot die

On the eighth day of Christmas, the guards gave to me  
Eight sorcerers to murder  
Seven massive slaughters  
Six creepy-crawlies  
FIVE PILES OF POO  
Four lame excuses  
Three fierce betrayals  
Two unheeded warnings  
And an enemy that cannot die

On the ninth day of Christmas, Lady Helen gave to me  
Nine evil operas  
Eight sorcerers to murder  
Seven massive slaughters  
Six creepy-crawlies  
FIVE PILES OF POO  
Four lame excuses  
Three fierce betrayals  
Two unheeded warnings  
And an enemy that cannot die

On the tenth day of Christmas, Halig gave to me  
Ten wanted druids  
Nine evil operas  
Eight sorcerers to murder  
Seven massive slaughters  
Six creepy-crawlies  
FIVE PILES OF POO  
Four lame excuses  
Three fierce battles  
Two unheeded warnings  
And an enemy that cannot die

On the eleventh day of Christmas, Arthur gave to me  
Eleven successful quests  
Ten wanted druids  
Nine evil operas  
Eight sorcerers to murder  
Seven massive slaughters  
Six creepy-crawlies  
FIVE PILES OF POO  
Four lame excuses  
Three fierce battles  
Two unheeded warnings  
And an enemy that cannot die

On the twelfth day of Christmas, Emachinescat gave to me  
Twelve kicks in the backside  
Eleven successful quests  
Ten wanted druids  
Nine evil operas  
Eight sorcerers to murder  
Seven massive slaughters  
Six creepy-crawlies  
FIVE PILES OF POO  
Four lame excuses  
Three fierce battles  
Two unheeded warnings  
AND AN ENEMY THAT CANNOT DIE!


	2. Morgana's Twelve Days

On the first day of Christmas, Arthur gave to me  
A dagger that I'll use to kill Dad

On the second day of Christmas, Uther gave to me  
Two horrendous lies  
And a dagger that I'll use to kill Dad

On the third day of Christmas, Merlin gave to me  
Three tainted waters  
Two horrendous lies  
And a dagger that I'll use to kill Dad

On the fourth day of Christmas, Cenred gave to me  
Four shifty looks  
Three tainted waters  
Two horrendous lies  
And a dagger that I'll use to kill Dad

On the fifth day of Christmas, Morgause gave to me  
FIVE HEALING BRACELETS  
Four shifty looks  
Three tainted waters  
Two horrendous lies  
And a dagger that I'll use to kill Dad

On the sixth day of Christmas, Valiant gave to me  
Six slithering snakes  
FIVE HEALING BRACELETS  
Four shifty looks  
Three tainted waters  
Two horrendous lies  
And a dagger that I'll use to kill Dad

On the seventh day of Christmas, Gaius gave to me  
Seven suspicious glares  
Six slithering snakes  
FIVE HEALING BRACELETS  
Four shifty looks  
Three tainted waters  
Two horrendous lies  
And a dagger that I'll use to kill Dad

On the eighth day of Christmas, the Druids gave to me  
Eight answered questions  
Seven suspicious glares  
Six slithering snakes  
FIVE HEALING BRACELETS  
Four shifty looks  
Three tainted waters  
Two horrendous lies  
And a dagger that I'll use to kill Dad

On the ninth day of Christmas, Mordred gave to me  
Nine sweet embraces  
Eight answered questions  
Seven suspicious glares  
Six slithering snakes  
FIVE HEALING BRACELETS  
Four shifty looks  
Three tainted waters  
Two horrendous lies  
And a dagger that I'll use to kill Dad

On the tenth day of Christmas, Gorlois gave to me  
Ten years of "Daddy"  
Nine sweet embraces  
Eight answered questions  
Seven suspicious glares  
Six slithering snakes  
FIVE HEALING BRACELETS  
Four shifty looks  
Three tainted waters  
Two horrendous lies  
And a dagger that I'll use to kill Dad

On the eleventh day of Christmas, Gwen gave to me  
Eleven nervous curtsies  
Ten years of "Daddy"  
Nine sweet embraces  
Eight answered questions  
Seven suspicious glares  
Six slithering snakes  
FIVE HEALING BRACELETS  
Four shifty looks  
Three tainted waters  
Two horrendous lies  
And a dagger that I'll use to kill Dad

On the twelfth day of Christmas, the writers gave to me  
Twelve swaps of character  
Eleven nervous curtsies  
Ten years of "Daddy"  
Nine sweet embraces  
Eight answered questions  
Seven suspicious glares  
Six slithering snakes  
FIVE HEALING BRACELETS  
Four shifty looks  
Three tainted waters  
Two horrendous lies  
AND A DAGGER THAT I'LL USE TO KILL DAD!


	3. Gwen's Twelve Days

On the first day of Christmas, Arthur gave to me  
A gaze that nearly melted my heart

On the second day of Christmas, Uther gave to me  
Two death sentences  
And a gaze that nearly melted my heart

On the third day of Christmas, Morgana gave to me  
Three screams of "Get out!"  
Two death sentences  
And a gaze that nearly melted my heart

On the fourth day of Christmas, Father gave to me  
Four pretty dresses  
Three screams of "Get out!"  
Two death sentences  
And a gaze that nearly melted by heart

On the fifth day of Christmas, Merlin gave to me  
FIVE DOPEY GRINS  
Four pretty dresses  
Three screams of "Get out!"  
Two death sentences  
And a gaze that nearly melted my heart

On the sixth day of Christmas, Elyan gave to me  
Six worried migraines  
FIVE DOPEY GRINS  
Four pretty dresses  
Three screams of "Get out!"  
Two death sentences  
And a gaze that nearly melted my heart

On the seventh day of Christmas, Cenred gave to me  
Seven painful rope burns  
Six worried migraines  
FIVE DOPEY GRINS  
Four pretty dresses  
Three screams of "Get out!"  
Two death sentences  
And a gaze that nearly melted my heart

On the eighth day of Christmas, Gwaine gave to me  
Eight charming winks  
Seven painful rope burns  
Six worried migraines  
FIVE DOPEY GRINS  
Four pretty dresses  
Three screams of "Get out!"  
Two death sentences  
And a gaze that nearly melted my heart

On the ninth day of Christmas, the Goblin gave to me  
Nine farting potions  
Eight charming winks  
Seven painful rope burns  
Six worried migraines  
FIVE DOPEY GRINS  
Four pretty dresses  
Three screams of "Get out!"  
Two death sentences  
And a gaze that nearly melted my heart

On the tenth day of Christmas, Hengist gave to me  
Ten big naked mole rats  
Nine farting potions  
Eight charming winks  
Seven painful rope burns  
Six worried migraines  
FIVE DOPEY GRINS  
Four pretty dresses  
Three screams of "Get out!"  
Two death sentences  
And a gaze that nearly melted my heart

On the eleventh day of Christmas, Gaius gave to me  
Eleven reassurances  
Ten big naked mole rats  
Nine farting potions  
Eight charming winks  
Seven painful rope burns  
Six worried migraines  
FIVE DOPEY GRINS  
Four pretty dresses  
Three screams of "Get out!"  
Two death sentences  
And a gaze that nearly melted my heart

On the twelfth day of Christmas, Lancelot gave to me  
Twelve tender kisses  
Eleven reassurances  
Ten big naked mole rats  
Nine farting potions  
Eight charming winks  
Seven painful rope burns  
Six worried migraines  
FIVE DOPEY GRINS  
Four pretty dresses  
Three screams of "Get out!"  
Two death sentences  
AND A GAZE THAT NEARLY MELTED MY HEART!


	4. Gaius's Twelve Days

On the first day of Christmas, Hunith gave to me  
Merlin, who I love like a son

On the second day of Christmas, Morgana gave to me  
Two tales of nightmares  
And Merlin, who I love like a son

On the third day of Christmas, Arthur gave to me  
Three wounds to care for  
Two tales of nightmares  
And Merlin, who I love like a son

On the fourth day of Christmas, Uther gave to me  
Four "I'm not listening"s  
Three wounds to care for  
Two tales of nightmares  
And Merlin, who I love like a son

On the fifth day of Christmas, Alice gave to me  
FIVE MANTICORES  
Four "I'm not listening"s  
Three wounds to care for  
Two tales of nightmares  
And Merlin, who I love like a son

On the sixth day of Christmas, the goblin gave to me  
Six massive hangovers  
FIVE MANTICORES  
Four "I'm not listening"s  
Three wounds to care for  
Two tales of nightmares  
And Merlin, who I love like a son

On the seventh day of Christmas, Valiant gave to me  
Seven snake-bitten patients  
Six massive hangovers  
FIVE MANTICORES  
Four "I'm not listening"s  
Three wounds to care for  
Two tales of nightmares  
And Merlin, who I love like a son

On the eighth day of Christmas, Morgause gave to me  
Eight knights a'groaning  
Seven snake-bitten patients  
Six massive hangovers  
FIVE MANTICORES  
Four "I'm not listening"s  
Three wounds to care for  
Two tales of nightmares  
And Merlin, who I love like a son

On the ninth day of Christmas, Guinevere gave to me  
Nine helping hands  
Eight knights a'groaning  
Seven snake-bitten patients  
Six massive hangovers  
FIVE MANTICORES  
Four "I'm not listening"s  
Three wounds to care for  
Two tales of nightmares  
And Merlin, who I love like a son

On the tenth day of Christmas, Grunhilda gave to me  
Ten frog-like kisses  
Nine helping hands  
Eight knights a'groaning  
Seven snake-bitten patients  
Six massive hangovers  
FIVE MANTICORES  
Four "I'm not listening"s  
Three wounds to care for  
Two tales of nightmares  
And Merlin, who I love like a son

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my books gave to me  
Eleven crucial tidbits  
Ten frog-like kisses  
Nine helping hands  
Eight knights a'groaning  
Seven snake-bitten patients  
Six massive hangovers  
FIVE MANTICORES  
Four "I'm not listening"s  
Three wounds to care for  
Two tales of nightmares  
And Merlin, who I love like a son

On the twelfth day of Christmas, Merlin gave to me  
Twelve happy moments  
Eleven crucial tidbits  
Ten frog-like kisses  
Nine helping hands  
Eight knights a'groaning  
Seven snake-bitten patients  
Six massive hangovers  
FIVE MANTICORES  
Four "I'm not listening"s  
Three wounds to care for  
Two tales of nightmares  
AND MERLIN, WHO I LOVE LIKE A SON!


	5. Gwaine's Twelve Days

On the first day of Christmas, Merlin gave to me  
The only friend that I have ever had

On the second day of Christmas, Arthur gave to me  
Two (hundred) boots to clean  
And the only friend that I have ever had

On the third day of Christmas, Dagr gave to me  
Three knife wounds  
Two (hundred) boots to clean  
And the only friend that I have ever had

On the fourth day of Christmas, Gaius gave to me  
Four days of treatment  
Three knife wounds  
Two (hundred) boots to clean  
And the only friend that I have ever had

On the fifth day of Christmas, the bartender gave to me  
FIVE JUGS OF MEAD  
Four days of treatment  
Three knife wounds  
Two (hundred) boots to clean  
And the only friend that I have ever had

On the sixth day of Christmas, the Wyverns gave to me  
Six epic battles  
FIVE JUGS OF MEAD  
Four days of treatment  
Three knife wounds  
Two (hundred) boots to clean  
And the only friend that I have ever had

On the seventh day of Christmas, Grettir gave to me  
Seven flower bunches  
Six epic battles  
FIVE JUGS OF MEAD  
Four days of treatment  
Three knife wounds  
Two (hundred) boots to clean  
And the only friend that I have ever had

On the eighth day of Christmas, Guinevere gave to me  
Eight kind rejections  
Seven flower bunches  
Six epic battles  
FIVE JUGS OF MEAD  
Four days of treatment  
Three knife wounds  
Two (hundred) boots to clean  
And the only friend that I have ever had

On the ninth day of Christmas, Sir Oswald gave to me  
Nine murderous glares  
Eight kind rejections  
Seven flower bunches  
Six epic battles  
FIVE JUGS OF MEAD  
Four days of treatment  
Three knife wounds  
Two (hundred) boots to clean  
And the only friend that I have ever had

On the tenth day of Christmas, the barmaid gave to me  
Ten flirty winks  
Nine murderous glares  
Eight kind rejections  
Seven flower bunches  
Six epic battles  
FIVE JUGS OF MEAD  
Four days of treatment  
Three knife wounds  
Two (hundred) boots to clean  
And the only friend that I have ever had

On the eleventh day of Christmas, King Uther gave to me  
Eleven hours to "GET OUT!"  
Ten flirty winks  
Nine murderous glares  
Eight kind rejections  
Seven flower bunches  
Six epic battles  
FIVE JUGS OF MEAD  
Four days of treatment  
Three knife wounds  
Two (hundred) boots to clean  
And the only friend that I have ever had

On the twelfth day of Christmas, I gave to my friends  
Twelve "Drinks all around!"  
Eleven hours to "GET OUT!"  
Ten flirty winks  
Nine murderous glares  
Eight kind rejections  
Seven flower bunches  
Six epic battles  
FIVE JUGS OF MEAD  
Four days of treatment  
Three knife wounds  
Two (hundred) boots to clean  
AND THE ONLY FRIEND THAT I HAVE EVER HAD!


	6. Morgause's Twelve Days

On the first day of Christmas, my mother gave to me  
A half sister that I have corrputed

On the second day of Christmas, Gaius gave to me  
Two surprising attacks  
And a half sister that I have corrupted

On the third day of Christmas, Merlin gave to me  
Three evasive answers  
Two surprising attacks  
And a half sister that I have corrupted

On the fourth day of Christmas, Uther gave to me  
Four suspicious glares  
Three evasive answers  
Two surprising attacks  
And a half sister that I have corrupted

On the fifth day of Christmas, Cenred gave to me  
FIVE DYING SCREAMS  
Four suspicious glares  
Three evasive answers  
Two surprising attacks  
And a half sister that I have corrupted

On the sixth day of Christmas, Gwen gave to me  
Six golden trails to Arthur  
FIVE DYING SCREAMS  
Four suspicious glares  
Three evasive answers  
Two surprising attacks  
And a half sister that I have corrupted

On the seventh day of Christmas, my powers gave to me  
Seven inflated egos  
Six golden trails to Arthur  
FIVE DYING SCREAMS  
Four suspicious glares  
Three evasive answers  
Two surprising attacks  
And a half sister that I have corrupted

On the eighth day of Christmas, Morgana gave to me  
Eight inside secrets  
Seven inflated egos  
Six golden trails to Arthur  
FIVE DYING SCREAMS  
Four suspicious glares  
Three evasive answers  
Two surprising attacks  
And a half sister that I have corrupted

On the ninth day of Christmas, the Cup of Life gave to me  
Nine immortal armies  
Eight inside secrets  
Seven inflated egos  
Six golden trails to Arthur  
FIVE DYING SCREAMS  
Four suspicious glares  
Three evasive answers  
Two surprising attacks  
And a half sister that I have have corrupted

On the tenth day of Christmas, I gave to Camelot  
Ten reasons to fear me  
Nine immortal armies  
Eight inside secrets  
Seven inflated egos  
Six golden trails to Arthur  
FIVE DYING SCREAMS  
Four suspicious glares  
Three evasive answers  
Two surprising attacks  
And a half sister that I have corrupted

On the eleventh day of Christmas, the innocents gave to me  
Eleven unheeded pleas for mercy  
Ten reasons to fear me  
Nine immortal armies  
Eight inside secrets  
Seven inflated egos  
Six golden trails to Arthur  
FIVE DYING SCREAMS  
Four suspicious glares  
Three evasive answers  
Two surprising attacks  
And a half sister that I have corrupted

On the twelfth day of Christmas, Emrys gave to me  
Twelve bad concussions  
Eleven unheeded pleas for mercy  
Ten reasons to fear me  
Nine immortal armies  
Eight inside secrets  
Seven inflated egos  
Six golden trails to Arthur  
FIVE DYING SCREAMS  
Four suspicious glares  
Three evasive answers  
Two surprising attacks  
AND A HALF SISTER THAT I HAVE CORRUPTED!


	7. Cenred's Twelve Days

On the first day of Christmas, Morgause gave to me  
An immortal knight she used to kill me

On the second day of Christmas, Morgause gave to me  
Two playful kisses  
And an immortal knight she used to kill me

On the third day of Christmas, Morgause gave to me  
Three evil plans  
Two playful kisses  
And an immortal knight she used to kill me

On the fourth day of Christmas, Morgause gave to me  
Four malicious glares  
Three evil plans  
Two playful kisses  
And an immortal knight she used to kill me

On the fifth day of Christmas, Morgause gave to me  
FIVE NERVOUS TWITCHES  
Four malicious glares  
Three evil plans  
Two playful kisses  
And an immortal knight she used to kill me

On the sixth day of Christmas, Morgause gave to me  
Six concealed threats  
FIVE NERVOUS TWITCHES  
Four malicious glares  
Three evil plans  
Two playful kisses  
And an immortal knight she used to kill me

On the seventh day of Christmas, Morgause gave to me  
Seven baiting insults  
Six concealed threats  
FIVE NERVOUS TWITCHES  
Four malicious glares  
Three evil plans  
Two playful kisses  
And an immortal knight she used to kill me

On the eighth day of Christmas, Morgause gave to me  
Eight fighting skeletons  
Seven baiting insults  
Six concealed threats  
FIVE NERVOUS TWITCHES  
Four malicious glares  
Three evil plans  
Two playful kisses  
And an immortal knight she used to kill me

On the ninth day of Christmas, Morgause gave to me  
Nine demanding orders  
Eight fighting skeletons  
Seven baiting insults  
Six concealed threats  
FIVE NERVOUS TWITCHES  
Four malicious glares  
Three evil plans  
Two playful kisses  
And an immortal knight she used to kill me

On the tenth day of Christmas, Morgause gave to me  
Ten promises not kept  
Nine demanding orders  
Eight fighting skeletons  
Seven baiting insults  
Six concealed threats  
FIVE NERVOUS TWITCHES  
Four malicious glares  
Three evil plans  
Two playful kisses  
And an immortal knight she used to kill me

On the eleventh day of Christmas, Morgause gave to me  
Eleven (thousand) undead soldiers  
Ten promises not kept  
Nine demanding orders  
Eight fighting skeletons  
Seven baiting insults  
Six concealed threats  
FIVE NERVOUS TWITCHES  
Four malicious glares  
Three evil plans  
Two playful kisses  
And an immortal knight she used to kill me

On the twelfth day of Christmas, Morgause gave to me  
Twelve figurative back-stabs  
Eleven (thousand) undead soldiers  
Ten promises not kept  
Nine demanding orders  
Eight fighting skeletons  
Seven baiting insults  
Six concealed threats  
FIVE NERVOUS TWITCHES  
Four malicious glares  
Three evil plans  
Two playful kisses  
AND AN IMMORTAL KNIGHT SHE USED TO KILL ME!


End file.
